yeah, about that...

all that stuff i said a few days ago? yeah...scratch that. it no longer really applies.

after the bells and whistles *and currently, the curiosity about what in the world my neighbors are actually doing* and the glamor wore off, i realized what i'd gotten myself into and that it would completely obliterate any dreams i have about actually writing EVER, let alone getting published. i write 10 minutes a day, in the morning, before i go into the office. and serious writers know that it takes far more than 10 minutes a day to be able to write an entire novel, edit, query, etc. i've barely touched revisions for what i'm querying *i'm gonna be screwed if i actually get a request*. i haven't been able to finish the critique i promised a friend. i'm just...well, i'm just incredibly behind. and exhausted. and frustrated. and already looking for a new job.

also, i apparently need physical therapy for BOTH shoulders rather than just the left one. got back from urgent care about half an hr ago with prescriptions i can't afford to fill and the idea of completely un-affordable physical therapy on top of that. the muscles in my right shoulder are spasming and knotted to complement the impingement in my left shoulder. this is all exhausting. i just want to be able to relax and enjoy my life. stupid working... 6 days a week is just more than i can handle. maybe i'm weak, and maybe i really am lazy *i'm not, i'm just productive differently from other people, also people confuse procrastination and laziness*. i don't know. all i know is that i've set out to make writing my true career, and i don't abide well with sales or with things that interfere with said goal. so i'm applying elsewhere and hoping i land an 8-5 job with benefits and weekends off. i miss having a life. or at least having 2 days off.f