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that's exactly how i feel right now. it's almost 230 am, i'm exhausted, and i still have almost 4.5 hours of work left. there are no people. and i'm still in queryland. it's like disneyland, but annnoying. and there aren't any fun rides.

i've been working way too much on this stupid thing. i know that it's a lot of work, obviously. it's had more rewrites and restarts than the actual novel. the one i'm working on is for an agent who gears himself toward heavier projects, and mine certainly qualifies, at least in my brain. it's not easy being a mix of panther and human. one wants to hunt and kill things and sleep, and the other wants to figure out why she's involved. but the people with the answers won't tell her a damn thing. oh, and one of them's trying to kill her. but going that route with the query turns it into a pseudo-romance, and that's not the primary objective. janelle's going through a lot, but survival's a lot more important than reconnecting with the man she can't even remember loving. so is getting her two halves to cooperate. duality. great movie, shitty mental state.

for me, the panther vs human arc is the more important. because that's her daily life. it's not just a few small instances where the panther jumps into the driver's seat, it's an entire existence of trying to balance logic and instinct. the panther just wants food, sleep, and safety. janelle wants answers, and those will probably get her killed. plus, janelle has to figure out what humanity really is and how it applies to her. she has thoughts, feelings, dreams, desires. she cogitates and reasons and schemes, just like normal people. so why do fur, fangs, and a tail set her apart so much? why are people so scared of her? *i'd be willing to bet fangs, but whatev* and why doesn't her appearance shake Dr. Lorenzo? *all these questions and more, on the next installment of jungle love* blah. querying is stupid. except it's not. it's necessary. evil, but necessary.

so now i'm following elana johnson's advice via 'from the query to the call' (available for like, $10. seriously. e-book. awesome.) so that maybe she'll query ninja my query. after i go through all the exercises and *hopefully* come up with something workable. cause this is making me angry.