Finally remembered what I wanted to talk about...

Over the weekend, I received a*nother* form rejection from an agent I would have nuked Paris to work with (and dammit, I love me some Paris even though I've never been). I was sad for a while (two days). And then I started talking about my book with friends.

And I felt a LOT better about it. Because I realized how much I love it.

Here's the thing. I know rejections hurt. They suck. But this is a business. And rejections are business decisions. Much like not getting that awesome job you applied for. A candidate is better suited to their needs, but that doesn't mean you won't get a job somewhere else. A job where the staff is really excited you're there. A supportive place. A place you actually don't hate going every day.

Personal story: In Cincinnati, there are two main publishing houses. F+W publishing (which prints "Guide to Literary Agents") and the other one I can't remember the name of. Anyway, they're both non-fiction pubs, but I thought it'd be awesome to work there, get my foot in the door. Learn about the other side. I'm a grammar nazi. I know how to work with writers. I am a writer, so I understand the inner workings of the craft.

I didn't get hired at either one. And yes, I've applied again. And...yeah...nope.

Yes, I was devastated. What good is an English degree when you don't want to teach or write for newspapers? I wondered (oh yeah, totally just did that). So I had my little pity party. I applied at other places, but F+W just seemed like THE ONE.

After working a few temp jobs, I finally landed at my hotel. And yes, sometimes I dread the act of going to work. I wonder if the guests will be awesome or a-holes. But I can honestly tell you that this is the only job I've ever had where I feel at home. Where my mood improves when I come in. Where people are genuinely glad I'm here.

And I want that feeling with the agent or pubber who picks up my book. I want them to be genuinely happy and excited that they chose my book. And me.

Maybe it won't be Duality. That's a fact I have to face. SF isn't hot right now. It could potentially be Spark. Or TTA. But whichever one it is, I want the person who chooses it to love it as much as I do. Love it more, even. Cuz even though the agent who passed was a potential One, she just wasn't The One. And I'm okay with that.

Thank You; or, How Six Sentence Sunday Saved Duality

First things first: The winner of The Liar Society gift pack is Andrea. But since I had so few contest entries, I'm going to send a copy of the book to Cindy and Brenda, too. So ladies, congrats, and send me your addresses. Andrea, getting your prize out will take a little longer since LiLa are going to mail me some stuff ;)

Okay, on to my post. Number one, if you're not participating in Six Sentence Sunday, why not????? Go now to submit your link. I'll wait.

Number two, S3 is AMAZING. You get a chance to "meet" a lot of fabulous writers, some published, some not. It's a neat way to get to know people. You wouldn't think that six sentences of a WiP would help, but honestly, it does. You get to interact. It's cool.

Number three, it's a confidence boost. A much needed one sometimes. Friday night, on the way home from work, I was telling one of my coworkers about the difficulties of writing and publishing. Saturday, I didn't even look at Duality since I had already scheduled my Sunday six to post. I didn't think about it. I was so frustrated with the synopsis, the ending, the whole deal. So I guess you can imagine how surprised and excited I was to see a butt load of comments on my last six. To everyone who commented, again, THANK YOU.

Like most of us, I am not an incredibly confident writer. I second-guess myself, I over-think. I panic. But after Sunday, I felt so much better. I started writing again after over a week without it. I started thinking hard about Duality and the perfect "real" ending for it. And today, I wrote that ending, and I LOVE it.

And I couldn't have done it without Six Sentence Sunday.

Seems like six little sentences wouldn't change anything. But sometimes they can change everything.

Giving myself permission...

Thanks to a fantastic blogp post by Libba Bray, I must add my two cents to this whole idea of success and failure and whatnot. Read her post before you continue. Please. It's excellent.

Done? OK. Excellent.

I need to give my job the "it's not you, it's me" speech soon. I hate it. The glamor and allure have faded, leaving me upset and jaded. I've learned over the last month what my priorities really are, and writing is one of the tops. Blogging is in there, keeping up with agents, networking with other writers, going to conferences...in other words, doing what it'll take to at least begin my writing career. My goal since I was 8 has been to become a published author, and I live in an area where I have the avenues to do it. But since taking this job, I haven't had the time. Today, after reading Libba's fabulous response, I gave myself permission to be happy. I gave myself permission to quit my job and NOT feel bad about it.

My version of success is not like most other people's, I'm sure. I don't measure success by the things I own, how much money I make, or what my title is. I measure my success by whether or not I've achieved my goals. So far, I've had a successful life. And before I took this job, I was happy. A lot happier than I am now. I've been sitting on the same chapter for over a week now... If I'm ever going to get Taming the Ancients done, I kiiiinda need to be able to write it. My mom understands. My sister, however, does not.

She can't understand why I'm so dissatisfied. No matter how many times I try to explain that writing is the path I've chosen, she can't accept that I don't want to be just like her. She runs an office/company. She's happy working 12 hours a day. And that's great. I'm happy that she's happy. But I'm happy when I'm writing. When I'm accomplishing. Every chapter I finish makes me giddy. Every round of revisions I've completed thrills me to no end. Every step closer I come to achieving my ultimate dream makes me want it that much more. Because I now have the confidence in my talent that I've needed to drive me. And I'm not about to let this stupid job stand in my way, damnit!

See, here's the kicker. I should be THRILLED that I have this job. I'm actually pretty good at it. I have the opportunity to make 105,000/yr. I could solve all of my financial problems by keeping it and excelling at it. But I'm sacrificing what's most important to me. And I can't abide that. I can't sacrifice my family, my friends, my boyfriend, my writing. Just can't do it. It goes against my personality. The people in my life are too important to me. Make sense? I hope so. If not, that's okay. I'm giving myself permission to do what makes me happy. And y'all need to do that too.

I swear I had a better post than this in my mind... The entire point of this ramble and of Libba's blog post is that we need to give ourselves permission to be happy pursuing our goals and not trying to keep up with the Joneses or meet some sort of rat race requirement (yay alliteration!). We only get to live once. I'd rather look back on my life and know that I gave everything I had to achieve my goals than look back and wonder what would have happened if I'd been brave enough to try.

How about you guys? Have you made a decision family and/or friends found to be ridiculous?

an amendment to yesterday's post

two wonderful things have happened:

***my dad has decided to sue for wrongful termination.

here's the story behind his firing: my dad works in the coal industry. his company had purchased a pump that he knew wasn't going to work. he told them that this wasn't going to work (probably in a few choice words, but he's a gruff Appalachian coal miner, so ya know), and they fired him for "trying to start trouble." the most awesomely funny thing about this is that the pump EXPLODED. dear *insert dad's company name*, this is the universe kicking you in the ass for firing someone so close to Christmas.

***there's a new batman game coming out soon.

the sequel to arkham asylum. OK. i'm a huge dork. i love love LOVE LOVE LOVE superhero games/movies what-have-you. i got my mitts on arkham asylum a few months ago, fell in love with it, wanted to buy the game (bought protoype instead and regretted it, not because the game sucks [quite the contrary] but because it's impossibly difficult and i've been stuck in the same place for months). see, i grew up on the 8-bit, 2-d, side-scrolling, intensely-hyphenated regular Nintendo version. i'm not bashing it by any means since my 7-year-old mind ADORED it. (it came out in '89. i was four. i discovered it a little late.) i loved how batman could wall-jump. i loved all the different and challenging levels. i loved the penguin.

but all the game reviewers were right when they said that no one had made a legit batman game. yes, you could use the batarang (and who doesn't love that?). but bruce wayne is a billionaire. he has lucius fox building him all of these amazing bat gadgets. and you don't really get to use them. in my batman, there was the batarang, a few grenades, and batman's right hook. that was about it. oh, and cut-scenes of the bat jet or batmobile. arkham asylum opened up an entirely new world. you get to be detective batman. sneaky batman. the batman who strikes fear into the hearts of EVERYONE. you know, BATMAN. and it ROCKS! there's so much more skill required for this than for the others. and you get to be in the mind of the caped crusader. plus, the scarecrow levels are trippy. but anyway... that's tonight's dorkdom.