In lieu of a real post...

I was cleaning today. Anyone who knows me knows I hate to clean. What they may not know is that I'm also a minor hoarder. I kept a majority of my college papers, and in looking through them, I found a paper my professor gave out in my novel writing class from an editorial intern at an unnamed agency, and I wanted to share it with you guys.

Dear Aspiring Authors,

If you decide that your work is ready to be sent to a publisher, for possible publication, please pay attention to the following things. Aside from it being courteous, when you don't piss people off, they have a tendency to be more open to liking your work.

First of all, SASE (Self-Addressed Stamped Envelope.) I don't think I need to mention that you should include one -- if you are at all interested in writing and being published, you already know this .But here's a nifty trick -- before you include your SASE, put your manuscript inside it, to make sure it fits. If you send us thirty pages of your query letter and a SASE the size of a regular envelope, it is impossible for us to mail your MS back to you. It is hard and annoying and pisses us off to have to try to squeeze all that paper into an envelope that won't fit it.

Also, while we're on the subject of SASEs... This isn't absolutely necessary, but if YOU write a return address on the envelope, I don't have to. This isn't a major deal, but it does get annoying after mailing out thirty SASEs without return envelopes.

And, BTW? You probably already know this, but if you send more than one query letter and MS, send a SASE with each one, or you'll only get a response for one.

Which brings me to your writing resume. I don't want to see it. The editors don't want to see it. Nobody wants to see it. If you'd like us to know that you've been published in several magazines and your first novel was published by a small press and you're a long-standing member of SFWA, tell me in your query letter One page. One paragraph about you, really. I (or the editors) am not going to be more kindly disposed to your work if you include a two page writing resume detailing your accomplishments and previous jobs involving writing, being editor-in-chief at your local newspaper and teaching/taking a creative writing class at your local college. We barely look at it -- but we will read it in your query letter, if the letter is concise and to the point.

Oh, and in your query letter? I don't need an essay on why you think we should publish your work. A paragraph about your novel, and maybe a line on why you think it's good and for what age, is more than enough. If your work is good, we'll know from your writing. Including a nine page Q&A about your idea will just annoy us. And please, please, please, please, please don't misspell words in your query letter. It kind of undermines the effect you're trying for, you know?

Oh, and make sure you're sending your MS to the right place. I cannot tell you how often we get picture books. We don't not publish picture books. Please stop sending them to us! We will not pass them on to the right place. We will just reject them. The end. Do your research,

Oh, and do not try to sell us on your idea. If the writing is good, that's what counts -- if the writing is crap, I don't care how good your idea is. And please, don't name your main character after the editor you're sending it to and expect that to win points. (You think I am kidding. I am not kidding.)

I think that's all for now.

Yours truly,

[Redacted]
Editorial Intern, upon reading the slush pile

Quick stats update

OK. Since I haven't done this in a while, I'm gonna just share with you where I am in this whole crazy business.

I received my *expected* 13th rejection last week. Even though this was an agent that I'd LOOOOOVE to work with, I'm still relieved because I've found some places in the MS that need some serious TLC.

In other words, I figured out why The Island of Dr. Moreau is written from the POV of someone not even involved with the experiments: IT'S FRIGGIN' HARD. And let me tell you, writing from someone who now thinks and acts like an animal is even harder. A lot of nuances, a lot of opportunities for cool stuff, a lot of headaches. I'm not kidding. This is my.....6th (?) round of revisions. And I'm still finding stuff to improve upon.

That being said, I'm also trying to improve my word count. When I started thinking I was ready to query Duality, my word count was close to 118,000. Which is way too high, especially for a debut. That alone may have earned me a few Rs. (That and the sucky query that I sent out.)

As of right now, my word count is....*drum roll please*

.....................................................

...............................

....................

..........

.....

111,096.

I have written a new beginning and new ending, cut scenes, cut paragraphs, cut stupidity. This is a MUCH MUCH tighter draft than I had before, and I'm so glad that no agent requested pages because it would have been an embarrassment. No joke.

Now, I must return to my writer cave.

Also, just FYI, there are some fun things in the works. Hoping to get a few newly-pubbed authors to drop by ye olde blog for some interviews (and maybe even giveaways!). I'll keep y'all posted, as always!

FOLKSES!

All right, folkses (I'm stuck on that word for some reason). If you're interested in my contest, click here. Otherwise, my query for Jodi's blogfest is below. You can check out the other participants by clicking here, and believe me, there are some really awesome queries in this blogfest. I'm having trouble critiquing them ;)

Here goes, based on Chris and Nicole's, and also Jodi's and Tracy's, and Roberta's suggestions:

Dear Super-awesome Agent of my Dreams:

If Subject 31 could remember her life, she’s damn sure she’d want it back.

The Humani Project’s latest experiment believes she’s human, but after seeing her sleek black fur, claws, and tail, she’s not so sure. Her only clue to an existence before panther DNA was spliced to hers is a fragment of a memory and a name—Janelle.

According to the scientists, she's the perfect blend of human and animal. Most importantly, she can still speak, making her the lab's most successful Humani to date.

Imprisoned in the Phoenix, Arizona lab, 31 must complete the grueling, and sometimes deadly, physical assessments administered by resident asshole Dr. Frederick James. Her failure means immediate termination. To survive, she must tame the wild animal that wants to take over—only she has no idea how. That ability wasn’t coded in her new DNA.

When she fails an assessment, death looms in the form of the lab-made creature she was supposed to kill. She’s surprised that the project's founder breaks his own protocol to save her without hesitation. When he calls her “Janelle,” 31 understands that somehow the scientists have erased the existence of someone they knew. Someone who deserves to understand her fate.

The closer she gets to piecing together her past, the harder she has to fight to stay alive. Buried in her past is knowledge that could bring the Project to its knees, and Dr. James will do anything to protect the Project, even if it means killing its greatest success.

DUALITY is a science fiction novel complete at 114,000 words.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Lexcade

Another query contest!

Yes, folks, you read that right.

Jodi Henry over at Turning the Page is hosting a new query blogfest!!!! (I'm not excited at all.) The best part is that you can send the query for your WIP.

To get all the glorious details, go here. Details are in snarky-letter-to-Janet-Reid form for your reading pleasure.

Good luck to all the entrants!

It took quitting to get a new pair of pants!

I've settled back into the swing of my hotel job quite nicely. In fact, it almost feels like the last month hadn't occurred, and I've returned to where I belong. I'm enjoying it. Being here is like being with family. And it gives me time to write.

I'm gearing up to submit my revised query to thedisgruntledbear.blogspot.com, but I'm feeling a little ambivalent about what exactly to send. I submitted the revision from Bear to Phoenix Sullivan, who pretty much ripped it apart *which I wanted*. Soooooooo...do I submit the query with Bear's suggestions to Bear, or do I revise with Phoenix's suggestions and submit that? Eh, it's a silly conundrum, I guess. I'll just do what feels right and go from there. I liked Phoenix's suggestions and would like to use them. So...we'll see. Hopefully, I can avoid a query that sounds more like a synopsis.

The new WIP is coming along nicely. I've passed 10,000 words! *confetti and noisemakers* I feel like this one has a lot of potential, and that makes me happy. If DUALITY (dirge) doesn't sell, then perhaps this one will.

That is all.

Stats

Hey all.

Up to 11 followers! Totally excited!!!! Maybe I'll do that giveaway after all, once I figure out exactly how to go about that...I didn't really think it all the way through.

Figured I'd shell out some stats for you before I konk out for the night (9:45 comes REALLY early when you're accustomed to waking up at noon).

So far, I've sent out 12 queries since August. I'm a weenie. I have to do small batches because the enormous burden of waiting for responses (or not getting one at all) weighs down on my shoulders like a giant on top of a midget. Out of the responses I've gotten, 7 have been form rejections, and I closed one because the agent would only respond within a week if interested. Of the 7, three were from agents I would have lopped off a limb to work with. I'm still waiting for responses for the other four.

So...that's about a...66% fail rate. That sucks. Hard. So what does one do in this situation?

Well, for those who haven't begun querying, don't fret. This type of thing happens a lot, and (depending on your genre), there are A LOT of agents out there. What you do is buck up, continue writing, continue working on your letter (b/c apparently you're supposed to have something like a 20% positive response rate to know your letter is somewhat effective), continue hoping. Agent Query has a great listing of agents and will tell who isn't accepting unsolicited manuscripts so you don't waste your time. There are other sites to tell you that, there are conferences if you're lucky enough to have the time, money, mode of transportation, and job that will give you that time off to go where you can meet agents and pitch to them. Writing is a lot of work in and of itself (as the previous post points out), but the REAL work starts when you decide to pursue publication. That's when you realize what you're made of, if you're tenacious to follow the long, winding, pothole-filled road of peril that is publishing. Because it's a pain. But...it's what we do.

I am by no means an expert at the publishing game (obviously) but I'm learning. I learn a LOT from the agent blogs on my blog roll. I learn a lot from my friends at QT. I learn a lot from just reading and researching. Writing and publishing evolve constantly. The road isn't easy, and not everyone is cut out for it. This is when you learn the most about yourself, what you're willing to sacrifice to make it and what you're not. Sanity, time, money, effort, hope, fear, self-doubt...you'll have to give up a lot of it and deal with the rest. And sometimes, hope can be a bitch. Others, it can be your best friend. Doubt and fear aren't necessarily your enemies. They can be the markers that let you know you're on the right path. You wouldn't care so much if it didn't mean so much. And, honestly, if it doesn't mean anything then you shouldn't be doing it.

For me and for so many others, writing isn't a hobby. The nitty-gritty of it is that writing is like breathing. Letting words flow out of me is as necessary as eating or sleeping. If I'm not physically writing, my brain is thinking. Always thinking. Devising plots or twists or climaxes. Or, rarely, helpful information for blogs ;) Writing isn't a part of me; it IS me. And maybe that's dangerous, but publication or not, I HAVE to write. It's essential to my sanity. There's only so much room in my brain for thoughts, and some of those thoughts need to pertain to my actual life. But only a few.

So right now, in addition to my 33% unanswered rate (half-full here, folks), I have 7500 words on a new WIP and I'm working out the kinks to the one I'm outlining. Both of those are in completely different genres than the one I'm querying (that one's SF, these are fantasy and paranormal thriller respectively), so I get a little bit of a break. So, maybe if my first written novel isn't my first published novel, I can at least take refuge knowing that I've tried. And hopefully someone will want to see a partial or full. And then they'll fall in love with me. And then I'll have an agent :D

Q4U: My faithful readers, I know not all of you are writers hungering for publication, but I know that you're all creative in your own ways. What do you do when you hear that little voice in your head telling you to give up? Or do you even have one?